Danae
These characters are mine, as is the story. However, the idea for the story came from a post to the sentinel angst list long, long ago. A list member posted the questionnaire to the list and I believe had "answered" it for Sentinel characters. I cannot remember whom it was or where she said she got the questionnaire. This is not intended to infringe upon her story, but I was inspired to have my characters "answer" her questionnaire as a way of adding dimensions to them. It's actually a great character building exercise and I thank her immensely for her posting it. Once Pete and the boys had "finished" their questionnaires, I just had to turn it into a story.
Pete
walked into the conference room with the brochures and questionnaires in his
hand. His discussions with his people
out in the field had not gone well, and now, he had to face the folks
here. He wondered if he should go out
of the office and call back on his cellphone to give them the news. He'd probably be safer that way, but no, he
would face them. It was only fair that
they get a chance to throw things at him.
But
it was a good idea, damn it! Some of
these people barely knew one another, after all, and that was hardly good if
they ever had to trust each other out in the field. Sure, the "home office" guys knew one another. They were all close, in fact. However, in the field, they too would
occasionally have to turn to someone unfamiliar for backup.
Sometimes,
he wondered about the efficiency of the Agency's structure. Permanent assignments in world power centers
and small groups of operatives spread out here and there were the best way to
keep from attracting unwanted attention though. But it did leave him and his men often depending on virtual
strangers. This team-building weekend
would hopefully remedy that.
He
looked down at the brochures and questionnaires again as his friends and
employees filed into the room, talking to each other and greeting him. He smiled at them and gestured to the seats
around the table.
"Oh,
this must be important! We're all
sitting at the table today," Jesse joked.
Pete
chuckled.
"Which
strange third world country with giant mosquitoes and huge political problems
are we off to now?" Kit asked as
he sat down.
"Georgia."
"As
in former Soviet Georgia? Which country
did that end up in after the split?" Frank asked.
"I
think it ended up its own country or something," Rico told him. "Don't mean I want to go there either
way."
"No,
as in down south of us Georgia, good ole' U.S. of A." Pete ignored them and started moving around
the table, handing them each one of the questionnaires that the seminar people
had sent. "We're going on a
team-building weekend, gentlemen."
Frank
looked at the paper in his hand as though it were a snake. "Have you lost your mind?" he
nearly screeched, an odd sound coming from the huge Italian mountain of a man.
"No,
Frances, I have very good and sane reasons for this. Just take a few minutes to read the brochure and fill out these
questionnaires, will you? When you're
done, just come in and drop them on my desk." He finished handing out the questionnaires and brochures. Perhaps after they read the brochure they
might understand a little better. Okay,
maybe not, he thought, as the eyes of his men followed him as he rounded the
table to his starting point.
"Look, guys, we're going to be there with several other
offices. We're going to get to know
some of the other people that work for the Agency so that the next time we have
to go into the field with other operatives from those offices we won't have
complete strangers guarding our backs.
Okay?" He didn't wait for a
reply. Instead, he retreated to his
office to fill out his own questionnaire.
A
few minutes later, he was beginning to wonder if maybe Frank was right. Maybe he had lost his mind. As he began to answer the questions, he
realized that while it sounded great in the brochure, some of the things they
were asking were going to be sort of problematic for his people. And himself, of course.
When
he was less than halfway through, Van walked purposefully into his office,
tossed his questionnaire on Pete's desk, and left without a word. Pete frowned and picked it up. Van could not have written much to be done
so quickly. He read:
Name:
Van
Occupation:
Don't ask; don't tell.
Nickname:
Van
Parent
closest to as a child: My parents are dead.
Thanks for the reminder.
Siblings:
none
Most
embarrassing moment: Butt out.
Skill
that is not generally known: origami.
Happy?
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: Every one I spent living on the streets. Try that for interesting. God, you people have no idea.
Pet
Peeve: stupid, babbling people
Favorite
thing about best friend: he doesn't babble
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: You don't need to know.
Favorite
form of exercise: don't need to know that either.
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: vengeful
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: Van
"Oh,
good grief," Pete sighed. He
should have expected something like this from Van Tyler. The man was an enigma, and he carefully
guarded himself against prying eyes, ears, or otherwise. No one would ever completely know Van. Not even David who had become his best
friend. Pete really didn't blame Van
either. Given his background, well,
again, Pete should have expected what he saw before him.
But
Van knew how to do origami? What a
weird and unexpected thing to find out.
Pete smiled. He'd have to ask
for a demonstration one day. Even as he
put down Van's questionnaire, Alex walked in and held his out for inspection. Pete took it cautiously as the scowl on
Alex's face told him more than he wanted to know about what Alex thought of
this exercise.
"And
don't even think about complaining about it," he warned then exited
quickly.
Pete
watched him go then looked at the paper in his hand. Written there in Alex's neat but choppy handwriting was an even
more vague picture than the one Van's words had drawn. In fact, if Alex were not so meticulous with
his writing, he would have been done before Van. The questionnaire read:
Name:
Alexander Michael Morrow
Occupation:
private investigator
Rank
(if applicable): classified
Nickname:
Alex
Parent
closest to as a child: father
Most
embarrassing moment: none of your business
Skill
that is not generally known: none of your business
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: see above
Pet
Peeve: filling out inane questionnaires for people who have no business
sticking their noses into my business
Favorite
thing about best friend: his loyalty
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: none of your business
Favorite
form of exercise: at the risk of being redundant, none of you business
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: meticulous
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: This too is yet
again, none of your business.
Well,
the meticulous part was right. It was
what Pete had just been thinking. So
Alex knew himself pretty well, Pete guessed.
However, he seemed to be determined that no one else would know him very
well. Pete frowned. Apparently, this was going to an exercise in
frustration and futility.
Pete
was nothing, if not determined himself, though. He turned back to his own questionnaire. "My most embarrassing moment? Why the hell should I tell them
that?" Well, so far the others had
written exactly what they thought, so he would to. He was about to write more than he should about his best friend
when David entered. Unobtrusively, he
slipped the paper on the corner of Pete's desk and was gone before Pete could
say anything.
Of
course, Pete's curiosity had him once again putting his own paper aside to read
David's. It was a little more like what
the team-building folks might be looking for with these.
Name:
David Jonathan Solomon
Occupation:
private investigator
Rank
(if applicable): left that behind on the force
Parent
closest to as a child: father
Siblings:
brother, Daniel Elijah Solomon
Most
embarrassing moment: failing my motorcycle test the first time
Skill
that is not generally known: racing motorcycles, obviously I passed the test
the second time around
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: Can't pick one, I was a cop. Every New Year's Eve is interesting when
you're a cop.
Pet
Peeve: corrupt cops
Favorite
thing about best friend: He's good backup and despite a horrible childhood,
he's still a good person. Sort of,
anyway.
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: dealing with Van's temper
Favorite
form of exercise: does motorcycle racing count?
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: dedicated, or maybe
diligent
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: Why do I feel
like I'm in one of those 12-step self-help programs? Well, my name is David, and I'm an ex-cop. I've been recovering for about 4 years. Hell, I don't know how to answer this. Did anyone else answer this one?
Boy,
was he right about being the only one that could control Van when he got on a
tear! The day David decided to befriend
Van was a banner day indeed. Van was
much easier to deal with now than he had been in the beginning. At least the man was a little more
civilized. He was still contemplating
that when Kit walked in. The look of
disapproval on his face, while not as scathing as Alex's, was just as evident.
"These
people are idiots, Pete. This thing was
stupid." He started back out the
door even before the paper settled on Pete's desk. "Oh," he said as he stopped and turned around,
"Jesse seems to be writing a freaking book in there. Have fun." Then he disappeared.
"Great!"
Pete remarked sarcastically as he picked up Kit's questionnaire. He had to laugh a few times as he read:
Name:
Steven MacKenzie Chase
Occupation:
freelance photographer
Rank
(if applicable): definitely not applicable
Nickname:
Kit
Parent
closest to as a child: Grandfather.
That count?
Siblings:
none
Most
embarrassing moment: Getting caught with Sara Two Feathers under the bleachers
when I was 15. I cannot believe I'm
telling you this.
Skill
that is not generally known: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I may
incriminate myself.
Most interesting New Year's Eve: senior year, college, me, two friends, a bottle of Jack and three cheerleaders. Enough said.
Pet
Peeve: bigotry
Favorite
thing about best friend: He can hack—never mind.
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: This is just too close to
bragging. Sorry.
Favorite
form of exercise: yoga and meditation.
Don't tell me it ain't exercise.
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: spiritual
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: Do you realize
how ludicrous it is to expect someone to define himself in 25 words or
less? You can't measure a life that
way. It cheapens it, reduces it to a
commercial blurb. Have you no respect
for human life and experience? I will not even attempt
this because I am more than a blurb, a blip on a screen. My life has more meaning than that.
So
Kit nearly blurted out Jesse's unique talent too. Now he didn't feel so bad.
He'd have to get rid of those little accidents before he sent the papers
in though. He'd get Kit to write
another answer as soon as he found some white-out. And naturally, Kit was not thrilled about the last question. Kit, the spiritualist, would not like the
idea of life described in 25 words or less.
Kit couldn't manage to describe the life of that squirrel Pete had
accidentally run over the week before in 25 words or less much less a human
life. Before the man finally fell
silent that day, Pete was actually feeling quite guilty for not killing he and
Kit both in an attempt to save one little squirrel with too little sense than
to get out of the way. Pete
sighed.
Truthfully,
Pete had to admit, his was not looking much better. He put Kit's paper down and picked his own up from the desk. "No witnesses," he read. That had always been his motto. Or one of them, anyway. The other being, "The end does indeed
justify the means."
Okay,
so Jesse was writing a book, but what was taking Frank and Rico so long? He didn't have to contemplate Rico for long
as the very thought of him seemed to conjure him up at the door. He was grinning like a jackass eating
briars, as Darrien would say.
"You
asked for it, boss man." The paper
was presented like a papal decree to the pope for his final approval. "I was tempted to provide details but I
refrained." One more grin and a
sly wink and Rico was gone.
Pete
was almost afraid to look. Of all his
men, Rico was the most prone to both practical jokes and shocking honesty. He'd say and do anything, damn the tsunami
that followed and the people left clamoring for lifeboats. Finally, he reached for the paper.
Name:
Jerrico Jerome Gabriel
Occupation:
private investigator
Rank
(if applicable):
Parent
closest to as a child: mother
Siblings:
four sisters
Most
embarrassing moment: never been embarrassed
Skill
that is not generally known: that would be x-rated. Ask my old ladies.
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: looking for a bomb in Times Square. You asked.
Pet
Peeve: getting arrested for the way I look
Favorite
thing about best friend: he bails me out of jail
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: Ask my old ladies.
Favorite
form of exercise: Ask my old ladies
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: Ask my old ladies.
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: A player and my
mother's son.
Okay,
it could have been worse, he supposed.
In fact, it was rather mild, considering what Rico was capable of given
the chance. Thank God, he had
refrained. The most shocking thing was
the plural, ladies. "Rico, Rico,
Rico. One day, you are going to
"bobbitted," and I am going to say I told you so."
"Told
who so?" Jesse asked as he entered.
"Just
Rico, being Rico. You know how he
is. Got yours ready?"
"Yeah,
good ol' Rico voted by his classmates 'Most Likely to be Killed by a Woman.' And yeah, here this thing is. Take it.
That last one was kinda hard. I
didn't like it. Bet Kit
bitched." He handed the paper off
to Pete.
"Yes,
he did."
"Pete,
are we really going to do this crap?"
"I
don't know, Jess. Thus far, the
responses have not been promising, and some of this stuff we really can't
answer without way too many questions being asked. I'm thinking."
"Fair
enough. See ya."
"Where
are you going?"
"We
decided that if we had to do this stupid questionnaire then we were taking off
for the rest of the day. We're heading
out to play soccer on the Mall. Wanna
come?"
"Maybe. Is Frank about done in there? What is taking him so long?"
"I
don't know, but he was laughing his ass off the whole time he was writing, and
now he just keeps reading it over and over, while he hums and snickers."
"Wonderful. A Comedian.
I can't wait to see this one.
Thanks for the warning, Jess."
"Sure." Jesse headed for the door.
"Oh,
and don't let him fall on you if he's playing.
I'd prefer you unbroken, thank you."
"Hey,
no worries, man. I know how to get the
hell out of the way."
"Hope
you're faster than that squirrel then," Pete muttered as Jesse bounded out
the door. Frank was by no means
fat. The man was just huge. He was well over six feet and nearly three
hundred pounds of solid brick hard muscle.
Jess was fast, though. And Frank
would be careful. He knew his own
strength and mass.
Putting
the soccer game out of his mind, he looked down at Jess's questionnaire. It read:
Name:
Jesse James Riviera
Occupation:
computer programmer
Rank
(if applicable): That's a laugh! Me, in
like the army or something? Too funny.
Nickname:
Jess—then Pete calls me his little computer geek. I think I maybe should probably kick his ass for it, but he
doesn't mean anything by it.
Parent
closest to as a child: My mom, I
guess. No, my dad. I love them both, okay? Can't choose.
Siblings:
4 sisters- Magdalena, Angelica, Maria-Theresa, Catalina. I'm the youngest.
Skill
that is not generally known: I can hack into any com—never mind.
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: There was the time that me and Kit were on the res
visiting his granddad and I tried peyote—Man, the fireworks were freaky
then! Of course, Pete threatened to
hang me up by my toes if I did that again.
Come to think of it, Kit yelled at me too.
Pet
Peeve: bullies
Favorite
thing about best friend: He is so cool!
He's all spiritual and stuff.
You know, visions and spirit guides, things like that. But at the same time, he's down to
earth.
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: I'm really not supposed to tell. Sorry.
Favorite
form of exercise: surfing
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: Radical
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: Boy, I bet Kit
gives you hell for this one! Okay, I'll
try. Disregard the above and start my
25 words now:
I'm
a Hispanic American. Then again, that's
just a label. That's not really
everything I am. Okay, try again. Can I start over? Okay, here goes:
This
is too hard! According to Pete, I'm a
Dudley-Do-Right little computer geek.
Kit says I'm some sort of keeper of laws and justice. I like that one. Alex says I'm a pain in his ass, but I swear, I've never touched
his ass. He's just too damn
serious. Van says I'm noisy and
hyper. But I say he's too quiet and
still in my opinion. It's almost
freaky, I swear. And David—but that's
not answering the question and it's way over 25 words. Okay one more time:
I'm
Jesse James Riviera, computer geek, son of Rosa and Miguel, Kit's best friend,
and a good person. Those are the things
I'm proudest of. There, 25 exactly!
Pete
was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes by the time he finished
reading. Jess wrote exactly like he
talked. He rambled. Jess could turn a simple explanation into a
novel length dissertation if you let him.
And funny! Without even meaning
to be, the boy was hysterical. He was
still laughing when Frank walked in.
The
big man snickered even as he put the paper on Pete's desk, then he all but ran
for the door. Pete watched him go,
suspiciously. He grabbed up the paper.
Name:
Frances Giovanni Catello
Occupation:
Private investigator
Rank:
Captain(Army)
Parent
closest to: Father
Siblings:
Six, three sisters, three brothers
Most
embarrassing moment: Pete has apparently lost his mind, do-da, do-da
Skill
not generally known: Pete has really lost his mind
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: Oh, da-do-da-day!
Pet
Peeve: Oh, da-do-da-day! I should get
more pay!
Favorite
thing about best friend: Pete has really lost his mind!
Something
you do better than anyone else: OH, da-do
Favorite
form of exercise: Da-day!
Adjective
that describes you that start with one of your initials: Thank you! Thank you very much!
After
reviewing your answers, describe yourself in 25 words or less: Tell you what, ask my ex-wife or her
therapist. They apparently know me much
better than I do. Pete, tell me, you
aren't serious.
He
tried not to smile. He tried to be
furious, but as he looked at his own questionnaire again, he just had to admit
gracious and humorous defeat. Just
leave it to Frank. The man had
him.
Pete
opened his email program and typed out a quick email to all the other Agency
offices. After he hit send, he took his
questionnaire out to the old cork bulletin board and posted it there. He'd seen theirs; it was only fair they see
his. He'd give them their own back if
they wanted them. If they didn't, he'd
do exactly what he'd told the other offices to do: file them, file 13. Team-building weekends were for normal
people. His people were far from normal,
yet they suited him just fine. He was
going to play soccer.
"Hey,
guys, look at this!" Jesse got
everyone's attention and they huddled around the bulletin board. Pete's questionnaire read:
Occupation:
private investigator
Rank
(if applicable):out of the army for years, rank means nothing
Nickname:
Pete
Parent
closest to as a child: neither
Siblings:
one sister, no, I won't tell her name
Most
embarrassing moment: Just why would I tell anybody this? Why do you even want to know?
Skill
that is not generally known: If I told you, I'd have to kill you. I have a strict motto: No witnesses.
Most
interesting New Year's Eve: Am I supposed to answer this legibly? Don't think I can. I'd be laughing too hard.
Favorite
thing about best friend: He can hack into—never mind.
Something
that you are better at than anyone else: No way am I answering this. Refer back to the "no witnesses"
motto, please.
Favorite
form of exercise: That would entail dirt and sweat. No thanks.
Adjective
that describes you that begins with one of your initials: Practical
After
reviewing your answers, in 25 words or less, describe yourself: This is a joke,
right? 25 words or less to describe
myself? I only need one, well, two, well, one's a contraction so I suppose
technically that would be three. I'm
me. Uh-oh, that was over 25 words. Sue me.
I have good lawyers.
Then
down at the very bottom they read, "We are a team. Screw this.
Thanks for not strangling me."
Pete's barely legible signature was under that.
"Pete! You found your mind, buddy! Welcome back!" Frank boomed.
Pete
was leaning in the doorway to his office.
"Yeah, you may have broken my ribs yesterday, but maybe you knocked
some sense into me. Now, let's get to
work, people!"
Van
ambled over to him. "Do that
again, and I will strangle you."
Pete
laughed, but looked to David for reassurance of a rescue. David only shrugged. He looked to Kit then.
"Don't
look at me, man. I'll help him."
"Alex?"
Alex
threw up his hands and turned to the coffee pot.
"Geez,
guys, it was just an idea."
"You've
had better," Kit said.
"Yeah,
but that's not saying much. This is
Pete we're talking about here," Rico remarked, grinning.
"No
fair, ganging up on Pete." Jesse stepped
in front of his boss.
"Thank
you, Jess."
"He
can't help it if he's challenged."
"Hey!"
"Don't
worry, I'll save you from those meanies.
Wanna cookie?" Jesse patted him on the head.
"I'm
going to kill the whole lot of you and be done with it. No, better yet, I'll call my sister and let
her take care of the whole lot of you.
See how you like those apples."
The
sudden scattering was satisfying.
Mumbles of "gotta a lot of work to do," "need to get that
paperwork done," "didn't we have an errand," and "forgot my
lunch in the car," were music to his otherwise abused ears. The mere mention of Darrien did it every
time. Suddenly, Pete found himself wondering
what Darrien's questionnaire would have looked like. But, he was no fool. If
he ever even suggested it, he'd be eating it without ketchup. Nope, he wasn't risking that. He loved his sister, but damn, she was kind
of scary sometimes. He laughed and
wandered back to his desk. He leaned
back in his big leather chair and just enjoyed the momentary silence.