Feminism: Southern Style

 

Danae  (A.D.T.)

 

Preface:  The following should be read with an exaggerated

southern accent.  Or perhaps if you are like the author, you will

not have to exaggerate. ;)

 

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There seems to be a problem

Here with this thing

You call Feminism.

You see, while in theory

It sounds quite right and good,

It's just not going to go over

Here, here being in the South.

We, Southern women, that is,

Are not ready to give up

What we got going

Here with our well-trained gents.

A Southern gentleman always

Picks up the dinner bill

And he always opens the door,

Any and every door for a lady.

We like it that way.

A Southern lady need never

Risk her nails on such a task

And to pay for dinner, even half,

Would be an insult of the

Highest order to her worth.

I mean, really, have we lost

All semblance of civilization

Here in this new way?

All right, you may have

Some good points too.

If we do the same jobs as men

Then we should get the same pay.

Granted, a good and noble idea.

But why would we want to do

The same jobs as men?

We prefer that men do manly things,

Not because we can not, mind you,

But because they're supposed to.

We like it that way.

Now if some poor deluded soul

Of a woman should desire to become,

Shall we say, a manuel laborer,

So be it, and we shall all send

Condolence notes to her mother.

But truly, the very idea is absurd!

Men should do these things.

It's the natural order of things.

And as I have said before,

We like it that way.

And this ridiculousness with the bra!

Burning it, I mean.

Nonsense! Scandalous!

Would you prefer to flop about

Until you droop to your knees?

Not an attractive thought.

Not an attractive sight either.

And speaking of not attractive,

We are appalled at the sheer

Number of women who go about

Looking like men!

No make-up, men's clothes,

Short hair and not even a hint

Of jewelry or perfume

To identify them as women!

The horror of it is unbelieveable.

Women should look like women!

Men should look like men!

Well, with the exception of our

Hairdressers, the dears,

Who make sure we look like women

Just as we should.

We like it that way.

If feminism means

We should ignore the natural order

Of things as they have always been

Here in the South

Then we prefer to remain feminine

And you can have your -ism back.

Common sense should prevail

Here, telling you that when

You shake a foundation

The structure falls

And that is unacceptable.

Why?

Because we like it this way.

Now, be a dear,

And get the door for me.

I just had my nails done.